Let's talk about the weather.

My first love, Alex, called me out of the blue a couple weeks ago. We were together for 3 years and before our horrible break up, I really believed we would be together forever. I suppose everyone thinks that of their first love....Enough time has passed now that I'm not angry anymore and it's been nice to talk with him again...Bored at the job that he hates at a Honda plant, Alex sent me an email in which he mentioned the weather in Ohio and how the smell of fall creeping in reminds him of Halloween in Athens, Ohio. He said his life is so boring these days that all he can write about is the weather just as like his coworkers who seem to talk about nothing else.

I find that the weather becomes a more frequent topic of conversation as I get older... It seems to be the default discussion... It's safe: no one is left out of a rant about how humid it's been lately and no one will think you're weird for bringing it up...I think that after a while people get lazy or their brains atrophy from lack use or perhaps they are with awkward people and conversation is bound to be stilted... But really- lots of folk just seem to stop caring about actually speaking with other people and talk about the weather out of habit --just so there's something other than silence... and weather talk is what happens when you don't choose to think about what comes out of your mouth... Unless, of course, the atmosphere is actually doing something remarkable.

The distinctive smell of the wind at the start of fall is probably my favorite thing to breathe in...though bittersweet...It used to be exhilarating as it was the start of the school year and I always had such hope & optimism for the year ahead...Yet it was ominous as well because that scent is the of inevitable change: your summer fun is over and now you have to get back to the grind, knowing it's just going to get dreary and bleaker with each passing day.

It's the single most cliche metaphor in human existence--the change of the seasons as age personified. These days, that break in humidity and the smell of rustling leaves ushering in the new season makes me feel old, or jaded, because hope & optimism grow distant and seem like the silly and naive ideas of children. Is this what it means to grow up ? I'm too cynical these days for anything to be so magical again... I feel like now I know better....Santa isn't real and once you know that, Christmas is never really the same again...right?

Santa doesn't really exist. Alex and I won't be married happily ever after. Life isn't easy and growing up is a slap in the face... That's how it goes- there's no escaping it. Maybe this is why people talk about the weather.

On a more positive note, I finally got a job today and I think it's going to work out...I'm excited to do something productive again...to stop feeling useless and to quit being broke and worthless...Though it has been awfully nice to have 3 months without responsibilities...Especially after the hell that was Spring semester....It's a shitty telemarketing job for a Cable Company's Customer Service...But the money's not bad and the building is across the street from my place...It felt really great to be able to call my Dad to tell him some good news...